PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE
Rangers are generally good at a lot of things. However, almost universally among Rangers, patience is not one of them! This stems in large part from the fact that we all served in a Regiment that demands excellence. From E-1 through 0-6, you meet the Ranger Standard (and meet it very quickly) or you get Released for Standards (RFS'ed). There is not a great deal of time for retraining and second chances--especially for mental and physical shortcomings. Non-performers and screw ups are just sent packing on the Black Chinook. However, as you make the transition into the civilian world, whether after one tour of Rangering or a full 30-year career in and around the Regiment, please know that RFS is simply not a thing in most civilian areas of life. You cannot really RFS a co-worker who is not meeting the standard. Additionally, it is hard and often expensive to RFS a wife! A better alternative is to develop some patience.
Once you transition, you cannot expect or demand the same level of performance you grew accustomed to in the Regiment from spouses, children, friends, or co-workers. I think adjusting ourselves and becoming more patient with those around us is one of the toughest and most overlooked parts of transition. Most of us have heard the adage, "Patience is a Virtue". This proverb is usually attributed to Cato the Elder from the 4th Century AD. However, I like to think its origins are even earlier than that. In Proverbs 16:2 from the Bible we see, "Patience is better than power, and controlling one's emotions is better than capturing a city." The author of Proverbs (Solomon) understood that learning and practicing patience makes us happier and healthier. We are all familiar with the Ranger Big Five Philosophy. It reminds Rangers to focus on the Big Five most important things: marksmanship training, physical training, medical training, small unit tactics, and mobility. Here are a few thoughts on patience that might help you understand and practice this virtue more effectively. Let me introduce you to the big five for developing more patience.
#1-Know what patience is and isn't. At its most basic level patience is the ability to wait for something without expressing irritation or frustration. There are three basic types of patience; interpersonal patience, patience during hardships, and patience concerning daily hassles. Interpersonal patience refers to our ability to be patient with other people. This type of patience is important for relationships especially when interacting with spouses, kids, or grandkids. Hardship patience is a type of long-term patience we need when we deal with a significant setback in life. Another word for this type of patience is perseverance or resilience. Most Rangers understand this type of patience, we just don't use it effectively with others. Daily hassle patience is the ability to stay calm through life’s little irritations. If you live in a city, you are going to get stuck in traffic. Going "postal" in bad traffic is not a good idea. Likewise, going off on co-workers when you have been Rangering through a tedious task at work and many of your co-workers have already quit is not going to endear you to them.
#2-Learn to be a better listener. This is one of the easiest ways to increase your interpersonal patience skills. Take time to really listen to your spouse, children, or co-workers. Most of us want to get to the facts of any discussion and then offer a quick Ranger solution like--"time for you to Ranger-up!" Sadly, this is lost on most folks outside the Regiment. I have to admit, I still find myself wanting to give this quick-fix Ranger advice even after being retired for 8 years. However, it just doesn't work very well among non-Rangers. You have to adjust your TTPs. Not listening will almost never help any relationship! Patient, active listening is a better technique to use.
#3-Accept what you can't change! This is another tough one for Rangers. Many of us served in the Regiment when standards required a fresh high and tight haircut every Monday morning at PT formation. Did this make us better in any way? Well, it likely made it easier to apply camo but... it didn't make much sense otherwise. I hated that standard but I could not change it so, I accepted that as a requirement to Ranger and got a fresh haircut every Sunday afternoon! Acceptance for things that are outside our control is essential for developing patience. The reality of life after the Regiment is that many things are simply outside our control. Would the world work better if it was led by Rangers? Undoubtedly, but... that is just our opinion and is not yet shared by most of the non-Rangers out there! A good tip for practicing acceptance is to adjust your expectations. Look at the facts available to you and recognize which of these factors you can control. Then, realize you can change ONLY what you have control over and must let go of or accept the things you don’t control.
#4-Size up the situation. Not every crisis in life is a near ambush. Most things don't require an immediate response. Take some time to relax and think through your response. If you get an email from a boss or co-worker that pisses you off. DO NOT send off a Javelin round reply immediately. At a minimum do a few controlled breaths. Breathe in through your nose for a count of five, hold the breath for another count of five then exhale through your mouth for a count of ten. 2-3 of these deep controlled breaths will steady you and calm you as you prepare a more measured response. Focus on the breathing, not what led you to do the controlled breathing. If time permits, go for a walk or jog before responding, and in the best case sleep on it for a night before you fire off a response. They say time heals all wounds. Trust me on this one, this is solid advice. Unfortunately, I have relearned this lesson many times.
#5-Slow Down! Most of us try to do too much. Multitasking is a myth. Very few people can do their best work on multiple tasks simultaneously. A good technique is to do less and do it better. Being or looking busy is not necessarily a good thing especially if you are not being effective. Slowing down and practicing patience with those around you will help. Most non-Rangers in your life cannot match your pace anyway so by slowing down you'll still be near the front of the pack.
In 2 Timothy 4:2, the Apostle Paul instructs the young pastor named Timothy to, "Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage with great patience and teaching." I do not put myself on par with the Apostle Paul, however, I do encourage all of you to incorporate some more patience into your daily lives. Patience truly is a virtue and patience will undoubtedly help you be more successful in your life! Try out some of the recommended TTPs. I feel sure they will work for you!
RLTW!